Staying friends with your ex is okay if the two of you are co-parenting your kids. Being at each other’s throats when you need to rationally discuss vital issues like your child’s disappointing grades or their run-ins with a bossy classmate just does not work.
But be honest and objective with yourself. Examine your wish for wanting a friendship with your ex. In your heart, do you still harbor hope, whether it’s unreasonable or not, that your romance will resume eventually? Are you secretly thinking that regularly being in touch will inevitably re-ignite the old familiar sparks again?
What is your primary incentive for sustaining a connection to your ex?
There are usually four explanations for remaining pals with a former spouse:
- It’s just preferable to be amicable toward each other rather than antagonistic and bitter.
- You never really ended things with your partner because you still yearn for them.
- Issues such as joint child-rearing may arise to keep you somewhat bonded with an ex.
- It’s a safety net to keep them around when you really need someone to lean upon.
Staying connected for a non-romantic purpose
It’s better if you remain connected to your partner for reasons other than a romantic one. There may be less of an emotional component, so there’s a smaller likelihood of getting hurt more than you already have been.
The romantic embers are still burning
This is probably the most unwise reason of all to stay connected with an ex-spouse. Your unfulfilled longings may lead to jealousy, bouts of the blues and awkwardness between you and your friends. In a way, you are choosing to cling to the past instead of letting go.
Will you continue the relationship – and on what footing?
Always look out for yourself, your kids and your future in a divorce. Above all, pay close attention to the things you need to take care of. Let an experienced professional assist you with finalizing your divorce so you’ll be free to go on with your life, with or without your ex in the picture.